Random thoughts with Paige

So, today has not been a good day. I really wanted to have a blog that I could just go to from time to time and 'be real.' You know? About stuff that is painful and ugly, and that just downright stinks. But I don't have that yet, so today I am writing for me, the writer, and not for anyone else. If you are a personality that will be offended by the truth, steer clear of this one:

I was day dreaming, more like day-maring earliar, and I started to wonder why life gets harder as we age. I guess that is why 'they' say "the older the wiser." Is it because we experience more pain as we grow, or because we actually are learning more?

I look at my children and I see what is hard for them. Crawling, walking, eating, communication all around. Difficult things for them, not for me.
Then I look at my life. Raising children eleven months apart. paying all of the bills on time. having time for my marriage. or a shower. I see people get sick. babies getting sick. people dying. War. Soldiers leaving for war. Motor vehicle accidents. the dang swine flu. cancer. losing a family pet. murders. yatta yatta....

I guess this all sounds pretty negative, but today is a negative day for me.

I'm an honest person, almost to a fault, and right now I'm not seeing the light in the dang 'ole tunnel.

I'm just angry.

I don't want anyone telling me that "Everything happens for a reason" or any of that mess we say when there is nothing else to say. I just want to be mad for one day without anyone trying to tell me to get over my mood.

I'm mad.

I'm mad because I don't live in California anymore and that I live in Louisiana. I'm sick of waking my babies up to mosquito bites ON THEIR FACES.

I'm mad because I never graduated college and can't get a decent job to support my family (minus daycare costs) in this state.

I'm mad because bills suck. Where do they come from? They are everywhere, everyday.

I'm mad that after I had two babies my fabulous shoes no longer fit and I now wear flip flops everyday.

I'm mad because people shouldn't be dying to defend this selfish country I live in.

I'm mad because no one understands what ANYTHING is like UNTIL IT HAPPENS TO YOU. Not a clue.

I'm mad because people judge other people because they are not the same.

I'm mad because our country is ill-educated on politics and foreign policy, and they vote accordingly.

I'm mad at friends that say they are friends but are nothing but people I know and have to deal with from time to time. I don't want the kind of friends that gossip about their other friends' choices when they are not around. I absolutely do not want those kind of people in my life.

And, mostly I'm mad because most of these things will never change. It will never be different than this. People just accept that this is it, and that it has always been that way, so why change it?

Is this REALLY IT?

I am just noticing how real,

and hard

and crappy

this life is sometimes.

Ugh. Boo. Arr. Ugh.

Please let the sun set soon.

7 and 18 months

This Saturday we took our little ones to the Jackson Zoo (hoping that it would bring more entertainment than the lovely Monroe one). Harrison had a blast saying all of the animals names, not saying he got them all correct, but he loved the big animals.

And, Scene:
Daddy: "Harrison, look at the tall giraffe!"
H: "Ahh, Duck, Duck!"

Daddy: "No, there aren't any ducks in there, son"

It was a fun time, he also liked the otters. My favorite everytime!

Anyone answer me this: Why are there always so many monkeys at EVERY zoo? Those little guys sure do procreate! I mean they are everywhere.

Here is H pointing at the Otters playing in their tank.

B, totally stoked about being at the Zoo.

Loadin' up The Daycare Wagon after the Penguins

We also found a new growing community called Flowood, sounds ghetto, I know, but it was the first and just about only Babies 'R' Us in the southern hemisphere. Russ took me for a treat. I love that store. Can't wait to let B wear her new leapoard and giraffe printed guitar pjs! Adorable. I love finding special things that no one else will have but them.

Sunday we found out that YES, it is too much to ask to get a picture of brother and sissy smiling, let alone sitting at the same time. I'm so glad we used a cheap coupon from JCPenney, because it costs about 500 bucks these days to get any REAL photographer to take a few shots, rediculous. We will do those at the One year/two year old time around January for their big birthday party. These turned out decent for what she had to work with...a screaming B and a running, fit throwing H. Poor lady.

So, as it turns out...I get great shots of B smiling, laughing and the such in her carrot-stained Carter's get up, but nothing in her pretty clothes. H would smile at a trashcan, if only you could get him to stand still long enough for the camera to focus, oh, and to keep his hair out of his eyes.

Here are a few of the new ones:

Poor little B. Here is the crying smile we got of her after Harrison smashed her finger in one of the props. And, below is the face H made when we caught him smashing her finger. No, kidding. But it does look a bit mischievieous...never Harrison though. No way.

Also, please note the sidebar has changed...there are some of the favorites along with the "Too-many-collages-allowed-on-one-blog" to enjoy!

Boob Job

I must say, if you are one of those super nosey readers, and the overwhelming urge to click on my blog based on the title of this post swept over you just now, you will be sadly disappointed.

It has been an exciting 8 months getting to know our little B. Her smile lights up any room, and she has a special sweetness I cannot get tired of. I was not as successful with nursing H as I have been with Bailynn. If you know my children, it doesn't take a scientist to understand why that is pure fact. Last year, I came pretty close to hospitalization trying to get through my 9 week post-partum recovery and STILL was dead set on nursing Harrison. We tried everything and had tons of help with the La Leche League, Consultants and Pediatricians beyond. H had a regressed chin, a high palate and a flat tongue. Wow! Add that up, plus recovery of a 23 hour exhausting natural labor, and there I sat.

Then, there was Baby Bailynn. A complete breastfeed baby until July. Since we have moved this last time, I have had a huge drop in milk supply. Call it what you will, it is almost gone. I have been nursing her 2 to 3 times daily for the past month, and it is almost time for my "Boob Job" to end. I'm getting fired.

I have had many supporters in this trying time that have given me SO much knowledge and motivation to keep going. They have also told me to make sure we are both ready when the time comes to quit, because once it is gone, it is gone for good. I think we are both getting to that point and as of yesterday we are down to one feeding a day. It is quite painful to lose your supply, that is why I have dropped out one feeding at a time. We are almost there.

Thank you Alyssa, Mom and Laura for helping me along this journey. Besides natural chidbirth, twice, breastfeeding is the absolute hardest thing I HAVE EVER DONE! You all have been my cheerleaders all the way through. I am so proud of us for looking past the physical aspects that remain and trying our best to give our babies the best nutrition we can give them. I love you guys, and I will owe you for a lifetime.

I must say that if someone is not sure if our God exist, they should just get pregnant. I have learned so many things from my Savior during this amazing process as I watch how he changes my body for childbearing.

I am so lucky to have these babies and hopefully I will be healthy enough to complete our family one day...in a decade or so!

Sending my props to all the breastfeeders out there! (hehe)

Happy Birthday Lyssa Dawn!

(added 8.28.09. this was the original thought for your birthday photo. I finally found it in an old book but my scanner would not work until a chat with Dell last night, sorry about the one below, that you don't love :) This is PROOF that at one point in my life I actually was a bit of a snuggler! AND, by the way our Mother handmade these beautiful smocked dresses. She made us a new dress for every occasion just like this one here! What talent! I'm still waiting for her to start that up again for B and Kinsey and Avery!).


About two years ago I met my sister. Yes, we have always been "sisters." The play partners in the neighborhood and the ones who are always together at family functions growing up...and the ones who argue and frustrate each other in high school, you know the pubescent stuff. It wasn't until I lived in California, was pregnant at the same time and willing to really get to know Her, that I met my friend, my sister. (tear.)

You are the strongest woman (apart from Sheena, The Warrior Princess) that I have ever known.

You have the ability to command a room, yet still have such grace.

You are an amazing parent. Duh.

You motivate everyone around you to be a better person.

You are flexible with life and trust God in every move your family takes. Difficult or easy. And you do it without resentment.

Your silly rules and schedules are things we all poke fun at but it really is just how you are, and it is something I wish I had a bit more of.

You effect every person you have been friends with. Isn't that what we all want in a friend?

You somehow understand my views on everything and still give me your own opinion, if I ask. And, you always give me a subjective answer.

here are a few things only you will know:

"Sweaty Betty"

"Booger wall" (okay so you aren't alone on this one)

"Quote of the Week"

"No, I've never been to Bob's and I do want a hand gun license"

"Hershey kisses in the bathroom drawer"

"Undeserved childhood spankings"

"The Green Mile Movie"

and I could go on and on....

You are an absolute asset to my life and I would not be the same woman/parent/wife/friend without you in it.

I love you more than any thing I can type to you. You are amazing to me.
I hope this birthday is shared by your family and that you guys cherish every second of the time you have before Andy deploys.
Happy Birthday my dear friend.


okay, i need a kleenex. peace out homie.

-More Pictures-

And a few more pictures Russ recovered...

B and Daddy are playing in her room


H was "helping" me unpack...apparently that means find all pacifiers. He takes care of B's because she could care less about those things (I'm so glad!).

Photo Op in my room




H playing in his toy tub.



ANY clue to what is going on here??? ........................poor baby girl.



Funny faces at playtime.

We're A-L-I-V-E!!

I know, I know. You all thought we were no longer among the living, but YAY! My computer is fixed! I love my Russ! He fixed it last night and I just couldn't wait to get on here and post some pictures of the babies.

Recently we decided to try out the fabulous Monroe area zoo.

Wow.

That is all I have to say....because..that pretty much says it all.

I did manage to get a few pictures recovered from our broken camera (of course they both can't be working, right?) You can see Miss B riding in the stroller "Big Girl" Style, and H emjoying time with Daddy! He is exploring everything.

She has also benn pulling up to stand on everything. She is growing up right before us!

Here are just a few:




I know there aren't many of Harrison, but I will get the others recovered and those are ALL of him.

I hope these were enjoyable for a bit while I work on the rest.

2 Teeth!!

Baby Bailynn has already decided to have her teeth come in. I can't even believe she is almost seven months old. Where has this year gone??? Oh yeah, I forgot, I am chasing this year away one climbing Harrisoon stunt at a time. Of course, I have not one picture of these baby pearls, but they are there and both arrived twelve hours apart...poor baby (and Mommy)! I know she was glad they finally came in because she has been in pain for a week over it.

And, recently my pregnant cousin Laura (love how I describe her) and her 18 month old daughter Audrey flew in for a 10 day (bless your soul) trip to visit our entire family. I got to see her for a few hours while the babies all played together. H and Audrey are exactly seven days apart and we are determined for them to know one another...even if we live cross-country! They have had numerous visits with each other over their 18 months of life, and they truly do love one another. It is so sweet to watch them play. And the pictures are always eventful!

My best friend's little girl, Holland, celebrated her second birthday at the the children's play gym this past weekend. H loves to run around like a wild man at this place, and him and Holland are adorable together....which they usually are. We have been playdating with Cherie and Emma for months and Crystal and Holland just started to join in as well. So, our group is growing! It is always nice to have good friends and their kids to play together.

Sorry there are no pictures...our computer is on the fritz once again!!! Suprise, suprise.

I hope everyone is having a great August so far!