A new refreshing day

I can hear the quote in my head "God closes a door so you can open a window." But for me, if I don't listen patiently enough I can't hear the birds on the windowsill singing. Change is something I have experienced quite a bit in my life. It keeps me growing, learning. I like this age, or place, or whatever I should call it about my life that I can say I'm still humbly finding my way to who I am. I gave up the last quarter of a Physical Therapist Assistant degree to be a stay at home Mother. Now, quickly it would be easy to judge my decision and find reason to think of weakness. It was the complete opposite. I spent weeks trying to figure out what was wrong with my tiny baby that couldn't gain weight. I had failed him, or so I thought. Later we discovered his allergy to my breast milk. Weeks after that discovery, Russ and I had another one. I was pregnant again. I was scared to death and neither one of us felt like anyone would be supportive seeing that we had just delivered H. This was not my first time to deal with speculation :) I knew I wanted a son first and I wanted a daughter second. I know we shouldn't try and pick what we want, but I'm too honest to lie about it. I was lucky I guess.... I do know it was planned far beyond " my wants."

As for growing and changing, There are things I can tell you that I was sure of. And like many things, I find myself to be wrong. I NEVER thought I could be a boring, no-make-up wearing, plain Jane, constantly baking, stay at home mother...until I was one for two and a half years. What an idiot I had been. I realized quickly how selfless this job was. Who had time for make-up or shampoo? And , I now love to bake :) As a SAHM I thought, how could I ever let someone else take care of my children? How selfish working Moms were for dropping off their children to fulfill personal career goals...until I was one. What an idiot I had been, again. Where is the fullfillment when the guilt outweighs all other things? Seeing your children for one point five hours a day stinks. Knowing that they are now comfortable with someone else all day , and not you, feels just wonderful.

Over the last year I have worked with amazing patients and brilliant colleagues. And, I was able to learn even more about how I can't understand any situation until I'm in it. Being at home with babies all day was hard for me in many ways. Being at work and not seeing them other than in their carseats or table seats eating dinner was hard for me. Now, I know it will not ever be EASY, but sometimes a balance is due. To weigh the two isnt fair. We all just do the best we can.

It will be a challenge either way.
I'm grateful that I am still growing and hope to continue on my journey....as a SAHM starting tomorrow.

Hopefully, this means I can learn how to use my embroidery machine, sew a dress for my daughter and Blog more than twice a year!

A little behind...okay, a lot

Lots of things have been happening with us and working seems to take my time away from pretty much everything :(

I have yet to post Birthday pictures, or even Easter. the worst part is that I forgot to even take actual photos of the children dressed up for Easter, therefore, the egg hunt at their school (where B is always dressed in some array of random clothing due to potty accidents) is all I have of her. As for little H, Russ forgot his camera while taking Harrison for his egg hunt...we have to separate.  Boo.

As for weather:  I'm starting to dislike Missouri again, after I recently fell for it.  It is the middle of May and still rain has taken over our lives, and our yard.  The last four weekends it has rained here...which means for working parents...no outdoor fun with kids :( Which stinks. I guess I understand what Seattle must be like regularly.  Actually Mother's Day was nice but we had other things going on so we weren't able to play out then much either.  Hopefully, things will be looking brighter soon!

Berkley

Our new puppy is HUGE! He weighs almost 50 pounds and he is not even four months old yet...but we LOVE his sweet face.  Him and Toby get along great, which is incredibly odd but nice.  Berk loves the snow and to be outside most of the time...he likes naps in the house though. We are having fun with him and the children love the excitement as well.  Harrison actually had "Pet Week" at school the week we brought Berkley home, so H was able to share with his school friends about him too!

B's New Bed

It's official...she's turning into a little lady. Bailynn is already pottying very well and is now sleeping in her toddler bed.  It took her one nap to figure it out. I think she likes the freedom she has now. In the morning we find her in her room just playing so sweetly.  Russ and I are really looking forward to both H and B finding some independence this next year.

Here are some pictures of them being them:

Somehow when they are at home we find numerous outfits they have worn and forgone all in the same day.  Excuse the Calvin Klein shot.  We do make them wear shirts, well, sometimes.

Snowed-In

The biggest blizzard since 1982 has decided to greet us today with a total lockdown of all businesses, except...guess what??? Emergency Rooms. That's right.

We will be lucky to see Russ by Thursday night.

This is our front door step. The shrubs on the left are 4 feet tall.

Our first Halloween in Missouri

Okay, I know it has been a while...we had some weird stuff going on with security and for that I decided to make the blog private for a while. Halloween was great fun for all of us. We took the babies to a party for kids their age, then went to a local grocery store here to trick-or-treat and then went home to go door to door in the neighborhood. They were so funny in both of their costumes...yep, both.  They had a party at school also, which was during the daytime and at night here it gets really windy and cold right now, about 35-40 degrees at. Therefore they needed two costumes. Last year Russ and H carved a pumpkin outside and this year we decided to move the party inside with a fire and do that again.  They love Daddy time and are very interestesd in pumpkins.  We decorated the front yard with all sorts of Fall stuff, and they helped. Here are some pictures of them doing some of these things!

Here is hoping all of you have enjoyed your Fall, but it looks like ours is on it's out of town.  The first snowfall should be in the next week or two!

Atkins No. 3

Lately the discussion at our house has spanned from "Will we have another baby in the next few years," or "Should we be content with our two little sweeties?" It's funny to think that we are even trying to "plan" this out seeing how well planned out the last two were.  Since we change our minds DAILY we decided to see what Mister H thought of this discussion we were having over Sunday football yesterday.

Mommy:  "Harrbear, do you think you would like another brother?"
H:  "No."
Mommy:  "Do you think you would like another sister?"
H:  "No."
Mommy and Daddy: "Okay, well I guess we know how he feels"
H:  "Mommy, I like Sissy."

Poor guy thinks we are trading Sissy in for a new model.  I love how he reminds me to say things differently so that his mind can understand.  He is the sweetest little dude....and quite comical at times.

Today we got a package from Russ' parents.  Mr.Steve had grown some pumpkins for the babies and they mailed them up to us. Yep, mailed us the organic pumpkins! They were so excited to open them one at a time.  B also got some really cute pink leather boots. Here is a picture of them playing with their new most interesting toys.

Every girl loves new shoes :)

He was so proud of his pumpkins. He even carried them out to the porch and positioned them two different ways to find apparently what he thought looked just right.


And here are some recent pics of them playing outside. The weather has changed into autumn and today it was 48 this morning. Crazy Missouri weather. These will be the last of them playing outside without bulky coats.

The Crew

The Lone Ranger

I promise the children do own shoes. This time they escaped my wardrobe grasp before they made it out the door.

We lost Toby this past friday. Luckily, we did find him after hours of searching and neighbors help. Thanks to you guys for sending out the search party. Toby has been around since the beginning of our little family, so we sure were sad to think of him being gone forever.